you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
