I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
