the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
40s are totally the cure
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
