have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
