Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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