So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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