I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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