In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
