Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
