He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
