I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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