I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
