i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
