Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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