Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
