Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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