1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
