I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
This baby is an asshole
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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