Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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