Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize