Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
