As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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