Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
