Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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