How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
