Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i will never coherently bang her
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
