dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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