It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
