So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am spending my child support on dildos
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
