I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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