she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
