Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
