i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
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