Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
