apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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