Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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