"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
