i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
