Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
