His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
