Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
