I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
