that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
