We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
