so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
