im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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