Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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