hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
