Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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