I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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