so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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