Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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