gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
