im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
