All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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