I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
