So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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