That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
