I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
