sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
