So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize