Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
