I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
