did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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