girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
zippers are such a cool invention
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
