no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
