the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
