I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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