need another drink. this is the easiest way
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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