You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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