Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just invented taco cereal.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
