morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
