The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize