It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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