Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
