The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
