Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
