So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
