I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I will be naked everywhere
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
