So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
