I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
