Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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