she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
