I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
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Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
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I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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