Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
