I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
