About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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