I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
