There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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