you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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